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Engage in my weight loss plan or not? Am I strong enough to do it without falling into anorexia again?
God has given me strength but is it enough to stay out of the addiction of anorexia once I start?
Will I be switching back from my current addictions to another addiction? I am tired of throwing up but that is one trigger for my restriction.
I follow my "previous" nutritionist orders, but I do believe it is wrong and they make me eat too much food.
Am I strong enough diet without going too far? I need to diet, but the fear of going too far is real. I wish there was a group for previous anorexics to diet healthy and not get consumed by the dieting as if it was some hard-core illegal drug. I want to be thin for my wedding pictures but what is the cost? Do I have the strength to stop when I hit a certain weight? On the other hand, will I become obsessed to the addiction of food restriction? Hmmm...Self-Control is the key.
I don’t want to be 40 and still fighting an eating disorder.
I already feel the influence of the tug. Look fat in the wedding pictures or start my diet? I want Paul to see the best of me again.
I frequently wish I had another addiction that I could completely abstain from. I share this only because so many other women suffer these feelings (I notice).
If anyone has any ideas on how to lose weight without falling, I would sincerely appreciate it :)
The biggest problem is that I am embarrassingly fat when I used to be a “good” anorexic. I don't want to be fat anymore, I spent over ten years in the "anorexic" weight which is sick, but even sicker is that is how I feel I should be, but I know I am wrong.
I just wish I lived in this world that weight wasn't an issue and food didn't scare me. I would like to just be normally happy and not notice my weight and what I eat.
Why does certain "foods" turn me into this fearful, panic stricken person? It is stupid really but it wont stop!
Well I have writtne my father a letter that I will post later.
I am working on acceptance and peace within myself. I began my eating disorder by the time I was eight years old. I have been in throws of anorexia and then bulimia then. At this moment, I am in the throes of Bulimia without the binging. My eating disorder has hurt my friendships, relationships, school, money, excellent job opportunities, happiness, my soul, and my identity. I want out of this eating disorder and all addictions however; some of my posts may seem ambivalent.
Shadows of the Heart
That is so great that you are finding inner strength! If you have faith that your Heavenly Father will help you through it and let him carry the weight you cannot..he will help you get through this trial in your life..I know it! You have to be on a one on one friendship with the Lord, even if you have to pray to him 10 times a day he will listen. Be sincere in your prayers, have an open mind. Often times we spill out our hearts to him , but wanting specific answers rather than the ones HE will give. We have to have ultimate faith in him. He already knows our struggles and knows us better than we know ourselves, and that can be hard to imagine at times. The first step in allowing to let Heavenly Fahter help us. We also need to have our lives in order by being a righteous daughter of God, which we all have to strive for everyday (even me! ;) You have made up your mind that you want to be rid of this disorder..always stick to that. Don't look at food in a bad way..food is not bad, the world has just made it that way. Research good foods and healthy recipes. Portion size is always good. If you think about it some foods are our best friends. Fruits and veggies. Whole wheat bread. Low fat milk are all what our body needs to be healthy. Heavenly father has given these wholesome foods, but the world has taken them and processed them so they are no longer in their orginal state, and that's what makes it bad.
ReplyDeleteCanned chicken with light mayo, celery bits, grape bits and slivered almonds on whole wheat lightly toasted bread...with fresh cut strawberries and ice cold water is very satisfying and sooo healthy for you!! One of my favs!
I know you might be thinking that I have all these great ideas..where do you think I got them in the first place..by reaserching, sitting down and really thinking about different foods and what to put together..trust me anyone can do it if they put the time and effort into it. The internet is a treasure trove of ideas..endless really. Just spend one day(sunday perhaps) and research healthy food, get a list of meal ideas and start a collection. Right now just focus and eating helthy and being healthy that is where you have to start..jumping ahead and trying to lose weight the next day..is not going to happen. you have to do it little at a time. Have a HEALTHY weight goal in mind. don't push too hard mentally. It god to puch yourself when exercising, but try not to mentally push yourself into a relapse of any kind. Love yourself always. If you don't you will get no where..this I have learned the hard way. Even if you are not where you want to be by your wedding day..don't fret, don't give up it takes time and a lot of work. I may take longer than we want, but let your body relearn how to be healthy, not just how to lose weight. you are going to look gorgeous for your wedding!! Poeple are going to see you for how you see yourself. That day should not be merely a reflection on outward appearance it is a day of celebration! Paul is the only one that should really matter to you on that day..and we both know that he loves you regaurdless of how you look. He fell in love with YOU not your body. Getting healthy always starts with you..doing it for you!! Think of what a great example you will be for your children when they have their own problems, you will be able to help them through it because you perservered and you got through it! You know what my struggle is, I keep working at it everyday. You will have a husband who will support you! ALWAYS be positive!! Even on the tough days..look for anything positive because it is all around you! and keep going and remember you are NEVER alone!
Loves and kisses!
Gina
You don't need to diet. Paul sees the best of you and the best in you right now, as do I! You are beautiful and I wouldn't want you any other way. You're not the only one who struggles with fear foods and whatnot...you're in good company, wink wink. Just remember that you only fear that which you give power to. Choose not to give it power, and convert that power towards your inner strength to beat Ed. Together we can do this!
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