Engage in my weight loss plan or not? Am I strong enough to do it without falling into anorexia again?

God has given me strength but is it enough to stay out of the addiction of anorexia once I start?

Will I be switching back from my current addictions to another addiction? I am tired of throwing up but that is one trigger for my restriction.

I follow my "previous" nutritionist orders, but I do believe it is wrong and they make me eat too much food.

Am I strong enough diet without going too far? I need to diet, but the fear of going too far is real. I wish there was a group for previous anorexics to diet healthy and not get consumed by the dieting as if it was some hard-core illegal drug. I want to be thin for my wedding pictures but what is the cost? Do I have the strength to stop when I hit a certain weight? On the other hand, will I become obsessed to the addiction of food restriction? Hmmm...Self-Control is the key.

I don’t want to be 40 and still fighting an eating disorder.

I already feel the influence of the tug. Look fat in the wedding pictures or start my diet? I want Paul to see the best of me again.

I frequently wish I had another addiction that I could completely abstain from. I share this only because so many other women suffer these feelings (I notice).

If anyone has any ideas on how to lose weight without falling, I would sincerely appreciate it :)

The biggest problem is that I am embarrassingly fat when I used to be a “good” anorexic. I don't want to be fat anymore, I spent over ten years in the "anorexic" weight which is sick, but even sicker is that is how I feel I should be, but I know I am wrong.

I just wish I lived in this world that weight wasn't an issue and food didn't scare me. I would like to just be normally happy and not notice my weight and what I eat.

Why does certain "foods" turn me into this fearful, panic stricken person? It is stupid really but it wont stop!

Well I have writtne my father a letter that I will post later.