treatment options and confessions

I am so dejected. I am attempting on finding further treatment for my issues, but it costs so much. Over $8 grand for two weeks (with insurance). That is a lot for me especially without a job.

So what do I do? I have choices-I can fall back into anorexia, which makes me so productive. Just go on as I have, just getting by without actually living, or to just die. AWWW! Maybe I should go back to my old ways?

Well, I guess I have already. I am either starving, or throwing up.
I have a few other confessions:

I abuse any substance I can. This includes alcohol, diet pills, coffee/caffeine,
cocaine, or inhalants.

I constantly throw up whatever I eat.

I wish it would stop! I say “it” because I can’t stop this shit. The problem is that I know I can die so easily with the substances I use along with purging. Originally, I wouldn’t care, but now I have friends and a husband to worry about. It isn’t just me and I can’t be selfish. However, how do I get further help? It costs so much money.

I am sitting here on my couch watching an episode of intervention. I remember the intervention we had for my mom two years ago like it was yesterday. She had all of us children kicked out of the house by the cops I couldn’t believe it.
I don’t want to cause another riff in the family, but Shaun and my mother have to get help. So do I but at least I want it. They don’t want help and want to continue hurting the family.